Okay, so i'm 19 years old and i currently am a second semester college freshman, i have never given my parents a reason for them to not trust my judgment. I'm a relatively good kid, case in point: even with a lip piercing (which my mom most likely assumes that people will think i'm devil's child) people still think that i'm a respectable young lady (which they are correct in thinking). This is exactly why i'm so confused why my parents refuse to allow me to do something that will alter my body, doesn't affect them what so ever. 

one thing that i've always been fascinated about (which is not surprising considering i'm an art major) is tattoos, i have one, got it when i turned 18 a celtic knot on my ankle that means inner strength, i got it because junior year, i was in a really low place, my grandpa whom i was extremely close with just died (it still makes me cry thinking about it) my best friend since second grade stopped talking to me for basically a year and i just felt 100% completely alone, this was the lowest point in my entire life. It got to the point where i didn't want to live, i didn't smile and i didn't have fun, this was the first time ever that i've cried during school it was extremely low. i started cutting myself, in two places on my left arm, i knew i couldn't cut more places i only cut those two places because i knew i could hide it well i would cut at night and then id have this urge to cut again the next night it got to the point where i was cutting like twice a day, my parents had no idea cutting made this intense build up of pressure in my body just release and made me feel so much better, this release didn't last long and i needed it to happen again hence the multiple cutting, the cuts were raised for probably like 4 months until i realized that i needed to find a permeant fix for this i couldn't stand living a life like this anymore it took a ton of self reflection and basically praying for me to realize to stop, i stopped i haven't done it since my junior year and i was a lucky one that was able to have the inner strength (hence the tattoo meaning) to stop doing it. I'm not afraid to let people know this story its part of me, even my parents (whom they don't know about this part of my life and if they decide to read this well they'll now know) 

I've always known that i've wanted more tattoos but i didn't want to get one on a whim just cause i know they are forever and i don't want to regret one, so it took me awhile to actually come up with another idea, and this happened actually because of an assignment that i had to do for my 2D design class, it was a doodle project where we had to make something that was inspired by something from the internet and obviously i chose tattoos and i was googling images of tattoos and all these different skeleton keys came up, i've been obsessed with anything key related for a really long time but i knew that i couldn't just get a key on my body with out having something that meant something to me with it and then all of a sudden, it popped into my head. i don't think that this kind of things happen that often unless its fate bringing them to you. the words "there are no closed doors" popped into my head and from that moment i knew i had to get it knew that because those exact words popped into my head and they're not from someone else those are me all me i had to get it. since then i've thought up of 2 more but those aren't important to the vent sesh. 

The plan started on monday night when my little family (what i call my group of friends) and i were at rike (the studio that basically is my other home) and one of my guy friends tony was like do you guys wanna come with us this weekend and get tattoos, the idea to get it now was a spur of the moment the design of it was not spur of the moment. me and my other half both said yes cause we're obsessed with tattoos. 

I decided that it would be wise for me to inform my parents of my decision, something i normally don't do. I called and luckily got them both on the phone and tried to talk to the civilly with out raising my voice. my mother was completely against it telling me that if i get it i will never get a job (which is completely false because its going to be on my shoulder i don't wear a tank top to work) that i'll attract the wrong people (which is also completely false, because i'll attract people who have tattoos....whom i'm already attracted too) that the people i'm attracted to now will change (also completely false, i've basically had the same taste in guys all my life, when i was younger it was the skater-boys, the skater boys usually evolved into rocker boys and rocker boys usually have tattoos) That i'll regret it. this is the biggest reason that my parents always throw out...i don't know how they can tell me that i'll regret something, they're not me, they don't live my life, and they don't really know that much about my personal life because well frankly i talk to my friends or my sister about it more than them. The motto of it is a giant thing that i live by... i mean there are no closed doors is basically saying that there are no obstacles in my life that i can't over come. that if by chance i come upon a door thats closed i have the tools to unlock it, nothing stands in the way of me accomplishing my goals, its big for me because i've accomplished something that has taken me awhile to accomplish, i conquered the freshman 15, by losing 16 pounds i have never in my life been able to accomplish losing weight, however i have lost 16 pounds and continue to lose it, i stuck to counting calories and exercising i look fantastic in my book i have a new outlook on life because of this i realized that yeah something might be difficult but if you have enough will power to not give up the benefits from it will be a fantastic gain. another reason that my parents (mainly my mom) don't want me to get it is that people will look at me negatively, my believe on this is that the people that assume that because i have ink on my body that i'm not educated, or that i'm white trash are the ones that are the most uneducated because they don't surround themselves by people that are different from they are. I no longer judge people by the appearance they have because those are the people that are the most unique and the ones i need to learn from the most, one of my best friends shaved her head and rocks it every damn day, she is someone that i truly truly admire because she doesn't let anyone affect how she lives, or her beliefs, someone that doesn't care if someone assumes she's something because she knows that in her heart she's not actually that way. 

I graduated high school and i'm not going back, which is exactly why i don't surround my self with people who still label, and group people by the way they look feel or act. its juvenile and isn't the way i want to live. those people aren't going to get anywhere in life, its the people like me and the people that i surround myself around that genuinely care about other human beings and their feelings and go out of the their ways to ensure that the people in their life, know how much they care. My parents don't understand that tattoos aren't just something that i choose because i think they look pretty, tattoos to me are a way of keeping with me a piece of something that i stand for that i live by that means something to me, i know its forever and i'm perfectly okay with it because i plan on living and loving and standing by it forever even when i'm old. so i won't get to show it off anymore, thats okay, because when i'm old the people that are worth my time already know that its a motto that i live by because they've seen the way i act and they've seen how genuine of a person that i actually am, the people in my life that will stay with me past college are the people that look past the ring on my lip, and the ink on my skin to the place that truly matters, the things i do to my body, add to its beauty, they don't destroy it. 

I walked through the doors of the all glass atrium on the first day at Ursuline Academy. I was bright eyed and walked with a spring in my step. I had so many questions flying through my mind. Will I be able to find all my classes? Will I have someone to sit with at lunch? Will the seniors be nice to me? As a routine set in for myself these questions were answered: I found all my classes, I made some friends and I sat with them every time I ate my lunch, the seniors were as nice as seniors can be to freshman. As freshmen year dragged on I noticed something wasn’t right. My grades weren’t at the place they needed to be. I just thought I needed to figure out better study habits. I got the usual tips of how to study, and how to take notes:  nothing worked. A 50 pack of crayola markers were my best friend’s freshman year. They were the only thing that could keep me focused during each class. I soon became to dread working on anything that was graded. Freshman year soon ended and my GPA was far below 2.0

            Sophomore year rounded the corner. New classes were thrown into the mix. I had just gotten the hang of passing the classes that I had during freshman year now World Civ was added to the course load. History has always been a week point for me. Every Student has that one class that they just can’t catch a break in. They feel the teacher hates them, that they were just destined to get a low grade in the class. Mine happened to be World Civ class, however this class that I absolutely hated, happened to be the class that saved my high school GPA. The reason for this is because the teacher of World Civ just happened to mention to my mom sophomore year if I had ever been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. This shocked my mom, she never thought that her little girl could have ADD.

            However, she took my teachers advice and brought me to the doctors to get assessed. The result of the assessment was on the low level of ADD. This all occurred at the end of sophomore year. This diagnosis significantly changed me as a student. I went from having Low C’s and D’s sophomore and freshman year, to having High A’s and B’s junior year. The markers were soon retired to the back of my back pack and only use to color in projects and posters. I was able to sit in a class and really focus on what the teacher was saying. World Civ no longer became the class that I couldn’t catch a break in. I finally knew that I was on the right track to having a GPA to be proud of when my World Civ test grades went from 60% to 100%. I no longer felt that my teacher hated me but rather really cared about my education enough to suggest that I get tested.

CHALLENGE: i challenge you to find the people that really have made a giant impact on your life and thank them, really thank them for making a difference to your life